Today is six days of the Omer: Yesod of Chesed. The Nine and Four of Wands.

Traditionally, this is the day we observe the passage of the Israelites through the sea. You know the scene—you’ve seen Charlton Heston standing on the rock holding his staff out over the water as Pharaoh’s army of charioteers hurtles towards the former slaves. Of course, midrash tells the story a little differently:

Nachshon ben Aminadav, the brother-in-law of Aaron, didn’t wait for the sea to split. As all the Israelites hesitated, afraid to step forward Nachshon raced to the water and walked in. And kept walking until the water was about to reach his nose. And that’s when, following Moses command, the sea split.

It takes bravery to step forward and to make the way when it appears there is no way.

The situation of the Israelites at the sea is reflected in the image of the Nine of Wands. There is a man who appears to have been wounded, standing and holding his staff defensively as he stands behind a fence of staves. Except you’ll notice that there is a wider space between two of the staves that he could step through to the other side.

What is he defending himself against? That’s a question each of us has to turn on ourselves: what am I defending myself against? What makes this so poignant an image is that there is nothing on the other side of that fence that is in any way threatening. Perhaps the head wound the man has sustained has affected his judgment so that he sees threats where there may be none—but because he has been wounded in the past, he doesn’t trust enough to walk through the opening in the fence.

Because we’re in the world of Atzilut with the suit of Wands, we can surmise that the wounding this man has suffered is spiritual. Perhaps he was rejected by the tradition of his birth, so that he doesn’t trust organized religion or even his own spiritual experience.

The Sephira of Yesod is all about Connection—an Intimate connection that is both spiritual and physical. Yesod is called Foundation because it’s the place on the Tree of Life where all the higher energies come together—it must have a strong Foundation to hold all these energies and direct them to Malchut below. And while I noted the we can see the wounding and the connection as spiritual, we can also consider this as a wounding in relationship. And, because Yesod maps on the body to the generative organs, the wounding could also be sexual.

Yesod maps to both the phallus and the birth canal. Interestingly enough, the passage through the sea by the Israelites has been described as the people passing through a birth canal to be born as a nation on the other side. Passing through the sea was a transformative experience that took faith and courage.

It also echoes the phrase “the only way out is through.”

This is also true for the man in the Nine of Wands. He could free himself simply by stepping through the fence and be born anew.

As a queer man, I have often looked at this card as a visual metaphor for life in the closet. And in fact, once when I was doing a reading for a young man, when this card appeared in the spread in combination with some other cards, I had to ask him the personal question of whether he was in the closet. At which point he broke out into tears and talked about the pain of hiding who he was.

I don’t mean to suggest there is no danger in coming out—or in other situations where we may feel defended after wounding of some sort. But I do want to consider how this wounding holds us back in places that might not be necessary.

I know that when I was young and newly out of the closet, I felt like the man in the Nine of Wands—I expected to be attacked for being who I was wherever I went. So that I often had a chip on my shoulder. But it’s not like coming out isn’t dangerous for many people around the world. There is indeed danger. But…

This is Yesod of Chesed. The Desire to Connect in Love. Yesod of Chesed is a doubly urgent feeling. Chesed already wants to flow out and over everyone and everything with love. And Yesod has an urgent need to connect anywhere it can.

The goal of healing these Sephirotic energies is so that we don’t direct them, to use a phrase the Buddhist are fond of, unskillfully.

If our Yesod isn’t connected to Tiferet above, it’s easy for this energy to flow into actions meant to fill the void, the empty feeling because our true spiritual connection is broken. For many people, this spiritual wounding is the source of many addictions, so it should be no surprise that the negative expression of Yesod is related to addiction—whether sexual, substance or even shopping. Whatever we do to fill the hole in our hearts is an unskillful use of the energy of Yesod.

Yesod wants to connect, and Chesed is powerful enough to be open to connection without fear.

Of course, today, simply going out on the street, going to a market, can inspire fear. Like the man in the Nine of Wands, I am wary of stepping out of my apartment. There is no danger that I can see, because you can’t see a virus. And in this world of social distancing, the thought of physical connection seems like a cruel joke. But this is going to be our reality for many months to come if the experts are correct. So once again, the only way out is through—I do have to go out to shop every couple of weeks. I do have to take my dog out for a walk 3x a day. But my connections with friends and family must be by voice and image. And because I am a single man, sexual connection in this new reality is out of the question. Here is where my Chesed must direct my Yesod, so that my values, my love for myself and others — and our safety — must be at the center of every connection.

So the questions I ask myself today include: In what ways am I afraid of Intimate Connection on both a spiritual and physical level? How have I misused the energy of Yesod’s urge to connect? What intimacy wounds need to heal—and how can I step into the role of healer to open myself to the Love that is Chesed? In what ways am I afraid of Intimacy with the Divine—what would I be afraid to say in prayer? What sea do I have to walk into with courage and faith that the waters will part? Can I create intimate connection in digital space?

What questions arise for you today? Your life experience may well lead you to a different reading of these energies and your own questions that need answering. This is the beauty of the Omer practice. And if you are interested in learning more about the Kabbalistic ritual of Counting the Omer with tarot, consider getting my book, Tarot and the Gates of Light: A Kabbalistic Guide to Liberation.